Why do people react so negatively to your courageous decisions? Why do friends suddenly become experts on risks they have never taken themselves? The answer lies in an age-old psychological phenomenon that scientists call the crab-bucket syndrome.
In one of our Member Education sessions, DARIA CEO Frank Rahlf recently told a story that reflects the situation for many members when they tell outsiders about our concept. A seemingly banal anecdote about three friends in the sauna that explains a surprising amount about human behavior.
The protagonistsThree overweight men, let's call them Klaus, Bernd and Rolf. They have been meeting every Thursday at the local sauna for twenty years. It's their ritual, their sacred date, their little break from everyday life.
The ritual: The sauna is always followed by the same program. They sit down at the bar, order three beers and three portions of currywurst with chips. For twenty years, every Thursday, without exception. It's their tradition, their comfort, their normality.
The turning pointUntil that Thursday in spring, when Rolf announced, completely unmotivated: "I'm losing weight now."
Klaus and Bernd look at each other. A brief, meaningful glance. Then the first tentative shake of the head.
"Yes, you pick it up," says Klaus with an ironic undertone. "Just try it. It won't work anyway."
Bernd nods in agreement. "Exactly. We've all tried it before."
Week 1Rolf orders water and a mixed salad. Klaus and Bernd stare at him as if he had announced he was going to fly to Mars. As usual, they order beer and currywurst. The atmosphere is tense, but there is still silence.
Week 2: Salad and water for Rolf again. Klaus and Bernd are getting restless. A slight shake of the head. Furtive glances. "What are you doing?" Bernd mumbles half aloud. "Somehow totally uncooperative. He's sitting here with his old water."
Week 3Rolf sticks to his guns. Klaus and Bernd are bursting at the seams.
"Stop it here!" says Klaus loudly. "How much longer is this supposed to go on? We've been meeting here for twenty years! You're ruining our whole evening with your salad!"
Rolf answers calmly: "I've already lost six kilos."
That makes everything even worse.
Bernd gets really angry: "That's not right! We're here drinking beer and eating currywurst, and you think you have to ruin our whole evening? Do you actually think that's the right decision?"
Week 4: The final attempt. Bernd comes over to Rolf and makes an offer that he finds irresistible:
"You know what? We're taking you out for currywurst and beer today so you can be part of us again. At our expense. Just like before."
What's really behind it
Here is the crucial point that most people overlook:
Klaus and Bernd don't want Rolf back because they miss his company over currywurst and beer.
They can't stand the fact that he is brave enough to make a change - and is successful at it.
It's not about currywurst. It's not about tradition. It's not even about friendship.
It's about courage versus convenience.
Rolf's decision holds up a mirror to Klaus and Bernd. Every Thursday, they have to watch someone do what they are afraid to do: Take responsibility for their lives. Staying consistent. Making uncomfortable decisions.
Six kilos of weight loss is six kilos of living proof that change is possible.
And that is unbearable for people who have settled into their comfort zone.
Why this story affects your life
You might be thinking: "Nice story, but what does that have to do with me?"
Everything.
Because the sauna story happens millions of times a day. In offices, families, circles of friends. Whenever someone plucks up the courage to change something in their life.
The only difference: it's not about currywurst and beer.
It's about career decisions. Investments. Lifestyle changes. The step into self-employment. The decision to emigrate from Germany. Or investing in DARIA and thus in real estate in Florida.
Whether currywurst or Florida villa - the patterns remain the same. The reactions are predictable. And so are the real motives behind them.
When people become crabs
While Rolf struggles to lose his six kilos in our sauna story, an ancient human drama plays out. A drama that has fascinated scientists for decades and has a name that sounds absurd at first glance: the crab-bucket phenomenon.
Imagine a fisherman catching crabs. He throws them into a bucket. What happens?
The crabs try to escape. Logical so far. But here's where it gets interesting: they try by climbing onto the other crabs and pulling them down.
The result? None of the crabs make it out of the bucket.
If there was only one crayfish in the bucket, it could climb out without any problems. But as soon as there are several in there, they sabotage each other. Every escape attempt is thwarted by the others.
What science has to say
In 2022, Turkish researchers published a groundbreaking study on the "Crab Barrel Syndrome". 302 participants were studied to understand why people hold others back from success.
The results are sobering:
People with Type A personalities - i.e. ambitious, competitive, stressed people - tend to engage in crab-bucket behavior significantly more often.
Even more frightening: the phenomenon is triggered by social comparison - in other words, constant comparison with others.
In other words, the more someone compares themselves to others, the more likely they are to become a cancer in a bucket.
The psychology of pulling down
The crab bucket phenomenon is based on Leon Festinger's Social Comparison Theory from 1954. The basic idea:
People always evaluate themselves in comparison to others.
This comparison leads to one of two reactions:
- "I am better" → High self-esteem, satisfaction
- "I am worse" → Low self-esteem, fear, envy
This is the problem: people in category 2 develop a destructive coping strategy. As they don't have the confidence to climb up themselves, they pull others down.
The study shows: People with low self-esteem are significantly more likely to exhibit crab-bucket behavior.
Why is this happening?
Research identifies four main reasons for crab-bucket behavior:
- Mirror effect Your success shows their possibilities. If you achieve what they want, it proves that it is possible. It turns their own inaction into a conscious decision - and that is unbearable.
- Comfort zone protection Change threatens the familiar system. When you move up, the group dynamics change. Suddenly the old rules no longer apply.
- Pressure to justify They have to defend their own decisions. If you are successful with what they have labeled as "risky", they look like bad advisors.
- Evolutionary survival instinct Historically, the group was essential for survival. Anyone who strayed from the group endangered everyone. This instinct still works today - even if it is long outdated.
The frightening extent
The Turkish study reveals the true extent of the problem:
- Type A personalities (ambitious, competitive) show destructive behavior significantly more often
- Social comparison dramatically amplifies the phenomenon
- Low self-esteem is the strongest predictor of crab-bucket behavior
Translation: Paradoxically, the people who are the most ambitious and competitive are the ones who most often sabotage the success of others. Why? Because they constantly compare themselves and perform poorly.
The sad irony
The perfidious thing about the crab-bucket phenomenon is that it harms everyone involved.
- The "crabs": They waste energy on sabotage instead of their own success
- The "climbers": they are slowed down or discouraged
- The community: total potential is wasted
Just like in the bucket, everyone ends up making it less far than they could.
What this means for you
In case you're wondering why people react so negatively to your DARIA decision, why friends and family suddenly become "experts" on Florida real estate, why they tell you you're "too naive" or "too risk-averse":
You are not an isolated case. You are experiencing a scientifically proven, universal human behavior.
The crab-bucket phenomenon explains why people who never have the courage to make big decisions themselves become experts on the risks that others take.
The real reasons for the resistance
The crab-bucket phenomenon happens in your living room, office and circle of friends. Here are the four psychological mechanisms:
The mirror effect: your courage shows their cowardice
Your DARIA decision holds up a mirror to others. You show that dreams can be realized. If you are successful, it proves that they would have had these opportunities too. Your years of inaction become a conscious decision - psychologically unbearable.
That's why your plan must fail. Only then can they continue to convince themselves that they are "reasonable".
Comfort zone protection: change threatens the system
Your villa in Florida upsets the balance. Suddenly old topics of conversation are boring. Their reaction: they try to push you back into your old role.
Pressure to justify: They defend their decisions
People who advise you against "risky" investments are justifying their own "safe" decisions. They become experts on risks that they themselves have never taken.
Fear of loss: fear of your success
Resistance is often strongest just before your breakthrough. They are not afraid of your failure - they are afraid of your success.
Concrete examples from practice
"Florida is far too risky!"
They say: "You don't know the market. What about hurricanes?" What is meant is: "If you are successful with a 'risky' strategy, my path was wrong." The irony: this person has never been to Florida, doesn't know any figures, but is suddenly an expert.
"Co-ownership never works!"
They say: "There's only a fight. That's only for the rich." What is meant is: "I could never afford a whole villa." The reality: joint stock companies are co-ownership. Cooperatives have worked for centuries.
The pattern for all innovations
- Bitcoin 2010: "Digital money is not real!" → 100,000+ dollars today
- Tesla 2012: "Electric cars have no future!" → Today one of the most valuable car companies in the world
- Berlin 2005: "Nothing will ever come of it!" → Prices multiplied
The biggest opportunities are rejected as too risky. That is precisely why they are opportunities.
Strategies for dealing with resistance
The information strategy
If someone says: "Florida is too risky!" Ask back: "What data are you basing that on? Do you know the figures from Cape Coral?" Result: Either they inform themselves or fall silent.
The boundaries strategy
If you have repeated concerns: "I've made my decision. Let's talk about something else." You don't have to convince anyone. You just need to protect your energy.
The peer group strategy
Build up a network of like-minded people. Use the DARIA community, attend our member happenings and exchange ideas with other investors.
The pride strategy
Be proud of your courage. You are one of the 10 percent who make great decisions. You build wealth while others just talk.
The turning point: when success occurs
What happens if your villa increases in value and the return flows?
Reaction 1: Silence - as if it did not exist
Reaction 2: Reinterpretation - "You were just lucky"
Reaction 3: New excuses - "Family was more important to me"
Reaction 4: Envy - "That was definitely not legal"
People have a psychological need for consistency. Admitting that they were wrong is unbearable for the ego.
The result: you swap energy vampires for energy givers. Critics for supporters.
Conclusion: Courage as a compass
Listen to your inner voice
You alone bear the consequences of your decisions. In 20 years' time, do you want to say: "I followed my dream" or "I listened to others and missed my chance?"
Life is too short
The people who advise you against it won't be with you when you regret not taking your chances. Why should you sacrifice your dreams for their convenience?
The moment of decision
Option 1: Back to the counter. Order a currywurst. Stay safe. Stay unchanged.
Option 2: Order the salad. Go your own way. Be proud of your courage.
Ready for the next step? Founding Member opportunities end forever on September 30. The crabs in the bucket won't help you climb out.
Jutta Burmeister
Jutta has been an entrepreneur for over 34 years and is now a business mentor, author and integral life coach. Her recipe for success is based on the combination of analytical thinking and human compassion. She firmly believes that courage and authentic connections are the key to a fulfilled and successful life. Jutta supports the Daria Project to help people realize their dreams and achieve their goals faster.
